Here's a post on how I truly feel about the wedding

Wednesday, November 09, 2011

When I first started blogging, most posts were about how I feel, my thoughts... You can say that it is somewhat more personal as compared to what you're reading now.

I don't know when that happened though, probably when some of my mom's bitchy friends' kids/themselves decided to tell her what I write in my blog -__-, or when I realize the more people know about my thoughts and feelings, they take advantage of it and make me a victim of my own rationalization wtf.

But I think my mom's right sometimes - if things are not nice, I shouldn't say it out. I believe that the following stuff Imma write is gonna make many people angry.

But hey, shouldn't I be the angry one? :)


Recently, I wrote on my Facebook that the smallest angbao Nian and I received was $25 (it was $50, but that person brought a partner). AND THEN some joker thought it was interesting to share with my mom that I 'complained' about the small angbao.

WTF how can I not complain? Nobody ever gives $25 angbaos anymore, do they? But they missed a more important point of my complain - people who didn't turn up at all.

Heck, I've had about 11 people who didn't appear, and I had to reshuffle people to that table and I end up having 5 pax per table for a 10 pax table.

Talking about angbaos and weddings, let me share with you guys some pretty disturbing stuff Nian and I found out - and perhaps share a tip or two.

1) There are jokers who will MIA on you on your big day.

I had, let me count, 1.. 2.. 3.. about 8 fuckers who didn't appear at our wedding after they've RSVPed. No really, I'm not sorry to use the word "fuckers" because if they were really our friends, surely a handphone message telling us that they cannot make it will suffice?

I confronted a few of them - one apologized immediately the next day, but I'm not quite sure if I buy the reason. He was drunk the day before because he was at someone else's wedding and had a hangover the next day, for my wedding. Yup. Not like my wedding is in the afternoon. Not like 24 freaking hours ain't enough to send me a text. No, friends like these think that lying in bed is awesome while I wait for them with an empty table.

That table costs $1000 btw. Thanks for wasting the food and our money.

Another one I confronted, ran away. Literally. He scooted off and hid in the toilet until I left. He is probably 35 years old or more. He's a director. But no, apparently age and position in office doesn't teach people to be responsible for these kinda wedding stuff.

Granted that I only sent him a e-invite about a week to the wedding, and he said that he didn't know I was inviting him, but when I did invite him face-to-face, he said yes, he would come. So what gives?

One more pretended to be very excited for the dinner - wanted to give me a nonya kebaya as a wedding gift, wanted to introduce dunno who-what-where... In the end? DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING APPEARED. NO TEXT EITHER. Fucker.

The last one that made me really, really upset was one friend that I really liked. Didn't turn up, no text, and then suddenly apologized like a week ago. Seriously, my wedding was on the 18 September. Did you *just* remember it a week ago? Why bother apologizing and giving me a reason that is no longer important anymore?

2) There will be last-minute drop outs, with or without reasons

It's funny how when the time comes and one friend tells you that he is sick, and another gives you the same reason, you can tell exactly who is telling the truth, and who is just lying through his ass.

Apart from the 8 fuckers who MIA on me, I had three who couldn't make it but angbao made it (see the difference?) and one who couldn't make it and promised me an angbao which I am not holding her words to it.

Some reasons you can expect are:
- Fever, stomach cramps: Believe at your own discretion. Like I said, some, you know they are truly sick. Others, it could just be because they are hanging out with someone more important than you. And it's ok that you pay $100 for them without ever seeing their faces.

- Last minute stuff to handle: Whatever.

- Emergency stuff at home: Believe at your own discretion as well.

2) Tip for newly-wed: Prepare empty angbao packets at your reception table

I never knew people could actually not have an angbao packet at home to pack an angbao. I received a recycled one.... the one we gave to my bridesmaids for good luck. -__-

Let me explain: Friend probably didn't have an angbao at home, so she came to dinner with the money but no angbao to slot the note in. Bridesmaid at the reception table is very kind and smart, and remembered that Nian gave them an angbao each during the gatecrashing.


Prepare empty angbao packets at your reception table. Your angbao-less friend may be thankful for that. (And maybe also urge friends who are not planning to bao angbao, to give you one. Maybe.)

3) Tip for guests: Check the angbao rate before you bao please

I'm not sure if you've seen the below angbao calculation table before. If you do, kindly add an additional 10% to whatever that's below because this was the rate in 2009.

There's something call the inflation. *cough cough*

So our hotel was a 4-star hotel, and let's take the rate to be $80 THEN.

Now, it would be $80 + 10% = $88. And assuming that you think that you are a last-minute fill-seat invite, you do a $88 - 30% = $61, let's round it off to $60.

I can tell you that about 60% of our guests (friends), gave equivalent to this or even lesser. And almost everyone knew we needed angbaos of at least $100 to cover per head.


It may seem like I'm going on and on about angbaos and attendance but let me put this straight - it's okay if my guests turn up with a paltry sum. At least they made their way down for us and I'm thankful for that.

It's okay if you come without an angbao packet and had to use my bridesmaid's angbao. I understand and I'm happy that you took time off to attend our party.

It's also okay if you cannot make it last minute but send an angbao anyway (even though technically it should be a full amount at current market rate but you only gave me 50%) because I'm thankful that you cared and remembered about us.

Actually, Mama Chan did say before. If we want to hold a wedding dinner, we must be prepared to make a loss. We cannot expect everyone to chip in a fair share to help us with the dinner, and most often than not, it is only those close friends who will play a part in chipping in.

The rest are purely for blessings and good luck. That, I understand.

BUT, I'm not okay towards people who say, "Sorry! Can't come because something last min cropped up, owe you one!"

Or, "Pass you an angbao when we meet!"

Because we hardly meet, that's why you fucking dared to fly me aeroplane so don't tell me you owe me one or gonna give me an angbao when we meet because chances are, you'd never do it. So why say it?

And of course, people who DIDN'T appear at all with no text, no nothing are the most fucked up of the lot.

No angbaos nevermind, but these people make us feel like we're unimportant at all, on the most important day of our lives and we wanted them to be with us. I don't want these kinda friends. I don't desert my friends on their big day.

Ah. So there. I've said my piece about the wedding. Like I say, I may have lost some "friends" but whatever. You guys can fly that stupid aeroplane out of my life forever.

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  1. Hi Jacq,

    I really admire the way you have the 胆量 after your wedding. Seriously, I am prepared to face this situation as well. yes, some friend indeed a true friend who can stand by at all times. Well, let hope they will face some retribution of their action.


  2. The smallest hong bao I received for my wedding last year was SGD 15! :(

  3. @Anonymous 1, I guess they will truly understand how we feel when they are in our shoes. When they put in the effort to invite people and all they did was to disappear without any explanations. -_-

    @Anonymous 2, omg fyl! $15 wtf!!! D: D: D:

  4. haha babe funny entry! I HAD TO CHECK DID U RCVD MY ANGBAO I ASK T TO PASS U? though I trust him lol.

  5. Hello Shiro!

    Of course I received! Thank you dear. Wished you were there though. Hehe T is nice man cfm will pass, unlike *eh-hem* that joker who ran away and hid in the toilet. :p

  6. I find it quite an irony.

    Wedding dinner is such a cliche & who set the rule that if you get married, u must hold a wedding dinner?
    I think everyone knows the price of having a wedding dinner is very high & expensive. Is is right that you hold a dinner & u expect your frens & family to give you redpacket of a certain value to "help" you cover cost?
    Why even have a wedding dinner in the first place?
    Did your frens & family requested from you for 1? No.
    They were INVITED to it, AND they had to pay for it.
    Do u see the irony of it all?

    Your wedding day is a special day for pple who are impt to you to share your happiness. That I agree with you. Thus, there shld be other alternatives other than a wedding dinner to do so. I'm sure a wedding planner or the internet can provide some alternative ideas.
    Wedding dinner are such a hassle that do u even spend quality time with those impt ppl who've attended? Did you have time to stop & mingle with all of them? For those who MIA last min, it is wrong for them to back out from a promise that they made. Guess this whole event can mk u see who ur real frens are.

  7. Dear Jac,
    I SERIOUSLY think that the guy who ran away and hide in the toilet is ridiculous and childish lah! Need to do that meh???? Come on lah!!

    I really cannot understand why there are still so many ppl who dunno the standard protocol for weddings when information is readily available. Totally agree that you should just brush these ppl away from your life!

    I got a friend who asked us to help her out for her reception and didn't even give us a red packet. She even told us straight that she will not give us ang pow even if we go to her gate crashing! Another friend who asked us to be her sisters only gave us $4 ang pow, after doing a day's work for her.

    What can be worse? Guest ang pow or Newly-wed ang pow? I also don't know!

  8. I kind of agree with the people who say that getting a wedding invite is almost like "kena summon". Asian face-saving culture dictates that you cannot turn down a wedding invitation, yet you may not be willing to go (hence the paltry sums in some ang pows). Is it even possible to turn down a wedding invite?

  9. Yes, it's possible! Just tell them you're not in town, or have another wedding to attend. I think that's quite an acceptable reason if you don't RSVP.

    In fact, I turned down "friends" who are not very close to me so that they won't feel obligated to come for mine. (I guess someone has to do the dirty job LOL)

    But uh, don't use these excuses if you've RSVPed and decided to bail out!

  10. Wow that was a fast reply. But to be honest with you, I'm getting married end of next year (haven't proposed yet so I'm staying anonymous so the gf won't figure it out before Christmas) and it's people like those you've written about in your blog that have discouraged me from planning a wedding dinner. I'm very very VERY sure I will make a huge loss, and having just started working 3 years ago I don't have enough savings to cover a nice wedding dinner. Having a wedding dinner in a "so-so" restaurant would also make my chinese gf's parents lose face, so I'm deciding to just have a very posh dinner for my family and her family combined. No mass wedding dinner. I'd love to celebrate with everyone but I know the culture here isn't very forgiving when it comes to monetary obligations.

  11. Mmmm you sound like you're not from Singapore, and not Chinese. Hehe.

    Actually this depends very much on your girlfriend's family. My family is quite nice, my dad just wants to invite some of his good friends (and most of them are quite generous) so we got a 4-star hotel which served really good Chinese, instead of a posh 5-star hotel.

    In my opinion, you'd usually make a loss if you invited more friends. Most relatives are more generous in general and therefore will help you to cover your costs as much as they can. *cross-fingers*

    That being said, I've met relatives who just come for the dinner with no angbao and no presents too. :)


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